distraction

When I have weird feelings in my gut, I try to find ways to distract myself.  There are times where I try to convince myself things are okay when I deep down inside feel they aren't.  I guess it's why I feel like I can relate to the phrase "So I go outside and I fake a smile".  I'm not sure why this happens.  Maybe because I've gone through phases where I get used to so much crap and shit happening to me to a point where I don't expect anything good.  Growing up, I've gotten used to that mentality.  I dunno... it's difficult.  Things that upset me run through my mind and it bothers me.  A lot.  It gets frustrating.  They just sit and linger inside me, it builds up.  My trust is difficult to earn.  Situations that had hurt me before stay in, leaving the pain and anger inside.  As time goes on, my mind doesn't change its mind.  I'm fed up w/ ppl interfering w/ my happiness.  I stand up for myself; I've learned that bitchiness is needed when setting your foot down, especially when things bother the shit out of you.  I will not waste my time w/ them, I don't care.  I've gotten screwed over so many times, and I ain't letting that happen again, even if some may think differently.  I've dealt w/ enough bullshit, I ain't putting up w/ any more.  Period.  Ish.