unable to focus

i'm here at work now, unable to focus. i somewhat feel overwhelmed right now. i dunno what emotion i'm feeling. it just feels all bunched up together, and there's a knot inside me. my world's just spinning. i just want to shut down and cry. i dunno. i wish he was here. i'm worried, i'm scared, i'm stressed, i'm sad, i'm anxious. at this second, my thought is - i miss him so much. i wish i wasn't here. i feel stuck here. i'd rather be there instead of waiting here. i can't stand waiting, esp during urgent times. things are unfair where i am now, really unfair. if i could, i'd leave. i wish i was in bed now. i just want to go and scream it all out. i miss you babe.

last night was robert's bday dinner. even though half the table remained empty, it was nice. i think he enjoyed his day. 28!


blah, i want to cry. stupid confused feelings.